If you
long to be an expert golf player you will not want to golf with me. Most
athletes would agree that in order to improve your game you must play
with teams and competitors more skilled than you are. Relationships are
sort of like that too. In the loosely quoted words of Mathew Kelly,
author of The
7 Levels of Intimacy, we
rise or fall to the level of those around whom we surround ourselves.
Our
relationships develop in a context over which we have tremendous
influence. Who do you spend time with? How do they value or treat your
relationship? How do they approach their own relationships? What is
their understanding of your commitment to your relationship and how do
they support or sabotage it?
Our
relationship will grow or atrophy according to the environment in which
we require it to exist.
Is your relationship visible? Do people know it exists? Are those people
supportive of your relationship? Do you protect your relationship from
forces that don't support it? How? Are you choosing your relationship
above other people, places and things?
This week I
encourage you to discuss these questions with your partner:
- Who do you
spend your time with?
- How do these
people treat or value your relationship?
- How do these
people treat or value their own relationship?
- What is
their understanding of your commitment to your relationship and how
do
they
support or sabotage it?
- Is your
relationship visible?
- Who, if
anyone, holds you accountable to a successful relationship?
- Do you
protect your relationship from forces that don't support it?
- Are you
choosing your relationship above other people, places and things?
- What can you
do today to create a better enviornment for your realationship to
grow?
- Who is your
greatest relationship supporter?
Hopefully these
questions will trigger discussion that leads to a more conscious
examination of how well you surround yourselves and consequently your
relationship. Find supporters and those who hold you accountable to one
another and your love.
