Holidays are complicated. At first glance, it would seem they are simply a time reserved to celebrate the respective events and spiritual beliefs with family and friends. But upon closer examination they represent so much more.

Holidays also serve as an annual relationship evaluation of sorts. Think about it. You see, holidays have a very subtle, but powerful way of informing us about the exact nature of our relationships with friends and family. When the holiday is drawing near we slowly become much more aware of the exact nature of our connections with friends and family. In some cases we eagerly anticipate reconnecting with family and friends that we don't see enough of during the year. Or in other cases, we find ourselves planning and scheming ways to avoid certain gatherings and the pain of seeing this person or that person.

All of the unfinished business in our relationships has a way of slowly revealing itself during the holiday season. Similar to how the cool air of autumn slowly and predictably chills into the cold winds of winter without our really noticing until suddenly we feel very cold. Whether we experience the guilt of not spending more time with those we love, grieving the death of a loved one who we won't be seeing, or dreading the pain of having to spend more time than we want with those to whom we feel obligated - holidays will serve as an unrelenting reminder of exactly what is going on with our relationships.

How we respond to these symbolic events reveals our own priorities, values and feelings about our various relationships. For gay men and women in relationships, struggles often begin to brew around this time of the year as each partner is deciding how to celebrate the holidays together while also seeking or avoiding time spent with our family of-origin. These struggles, of course, are not unique to gay couples. Heterosexuals must negotiate these details too!

What is different, though, is that when a heterosexual couple marries, the family-of-origin typically expects the new couple to celebrate holiday's together. That is after all what couples do, right? The struggle is about where the two of them will go, not whether or not the two of them will go together! And I've never heard a married couple fretting about where they'll sleep (different or same bedrooms) when they visit family.

I can't recall a single incident where a married woman said to her husband, "Honey, I wonder if we should sleep in separate rooms so my parents won't be uncomfortable." Have you? Same-sex couples often negotiate by saying "you go to your family's, and I'll go to mine." The real message being, "you make your family happy and comfortable and I'll make mine happy and comfortable." And then there is the whole population of same-sex couples who are not "out" to their families at all, which almost guarantees a distant holiday (even if celebrated together as a "friend" who has come home with you).

Whatever the exact nature of your situation, I suspect you can relate to the notion that holidays will challenge even the healthiest of same-sex couples to create boundaries that are designed to protect your relationship with your partner, rather than your relationship with your family. I often refer to the process of shifting your focus from protecting your family of-origin, to protecting your partner relationship as "growing up." Growing up means separating from our parents and making choices that affirm our adult lives and relationships. What are your priorities as you move into this holiday season? Have you made relationship-affirming choices for yourself and your life?

e.coaching is available to everyone with access to the internet. This is a great resource for those who live in smaller communities without local support options. This is also perfect for busy professionals that want to continue their personal development and are not interested in a traditional counseling relationship. e.coaching is for healthy people that have a strong desire to maximize their life's potential.

This group is designed for children with lesbian, gay, bisexual, or transgendered parents, and is open to both boys and girls. Groups have been proven to be an effective, enriching experience for children in developing improved social skills, increased self- esteem, team-building and leadership qualities. This group is specifically tailored to provide a supportive, positive environment for the children of LGBT parents, in which they not only discover they are not alone, but find personal empowerment through the sharing of stories.

13-17 year olds

Also tailored to children of LGBT parents, this group is geared specifically toward the "teens", with more advanced group processing and activities which better suit their psychosocial needs. Adolescence, under the "best" of circumstances, is a challenging period for many kids. For children of LGBT parents, the challenges of adolescence can be compounded by feelings of isolation, discomfort at being "different", feelings of secrecy, and in some cases, family conflict among extended family members. Group provides teens the opportunity to connect with like others, build friendships, increase self-esteem, and learn the value of diversity among families. Enrollment is ongoing, so kids - both boys and girls - can join in at any stage of the group process.

What is a Relationship Check-Up, you ask? Great question!

A relationship Check-up with Michele O'Mara is a 90 minute process which includes both an educational exploration of the major areas of your relationship, including, among others:

• Communication Effectiveness
• Unresolved Resentments and Frustrations
• Unrealized Hopes and Dreams
• Individual Self-Care
• Boundaries and Balance
• Sexual Connectedness
• Emotional Connectedness
• Relationship Validation
• Mutual Respect
• Relationship Vision

Your Relationship Check-Up is a unique opportunity to really examine what works and doesn't work in your relationship as it is. This is not considered "couple's counseling." This is an assessment tool that will provide you with relationship insight, guidance and suggestions for strengthening what may already be a great relationship.

The Relationship Check-Up is a combination of education, assessment and strengthening strategies and suggestions. The check-up is a 90 minute session (be sure to schedule for 90 minutes, not 50 when scheduling) and within one week following your appointment you will also receive an in-depth summary of your relationship Check-up. Included will be information about your relationship strengths as well as your relationship challenges, along with a list of suggestions for how to strengthen and build on what you already have and strategies for greater relationship happiness. The cost is $200 per Check-up.

Thank you for reading this month. I hope you will close this message with a renewed commitment to putting your time, energy and resources where your heart is this holiday season. Merry days to you all.

Warmly,